the Mammal Chronicles: March 2009

when it comes right down to it, ya lactate or ya don't.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


Sadness hangs on me heavily today. I am mourning the loss of my family.

I've been harboring anger and resentment toward my sister, and nothing she does alleviates it. My feelings toward my mother are muddled with confusion and anger and love. Nothing she does changes that. The only thing I can change is myself:

I cannot harbor this ill will within myself any longer. It is hurting only my own happiness.

I have to release any expectation I have for my sister to act honorably, any expectation I have for my mother to do anything but what is easiest for her, any expectation I have that I will receive anything from them either emotional or tangible.

I don't know how to release those expectations, those false hopes.