the Mammal Chronicles: August 2008

when it comes right down to it, ya lactate or ya don't.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

why

So it seems I have these sleepless nights every time I have to go to work the next day. I fall asleep fine, then come 2 or 3 or 4 I wake up with my mind racing with to-do lists and can't forget lists and what if lists and I can't go back to sleep.

I'd originally thought it was because we were co-sleeping with the youngun and she still wakes periodically through the night, wants to nurse (yes, she's 3, I still nurse and no I don't think that's weird. ok, maybe I'm a little defensive about it. time to go to a holistic moms meeting again and feel normal) then I can't go back to sleep because I start thinking of all this stuff, but we transitioned her to the other room, husband soothes her when she wakes, and still I'm waking up in the wee hours pondering.

The worst part is that when I start to lose hope of returning to sleep on a school night I start to fret about not having had enough sleep and that contributes to the inability to sleep -- a vicious circle.

So now I'm wondering maybe I'm not cut out for this administrative gig I've been doing as interim for 2 years -- there are just too many things to keep on top of. Maybe I need to go back to teaching. But I find it pretty rewarding, and what if I give it up only to find that I'm still waking up but thinking about grading or something else. Sigh.